The Story of Us

“Who would give a law to Lovers? Love is unto itself a Higher Law.” 
- Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy

Polygamy- The practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time

Polyamory - The state of being in Love with more than one person at the same time

The former is based on the institution of marriage while the latter is based on the desire to be with one another, freely.

The former does not require the presence of Love while the latter depends on it. 

The Story of Us. 

I was raised in religion. Controlled by Fear. 
Lies. To my friends. To my family. To myself.  

Then I found peace. Truth. There were no mistakes.  I am who I am. 

I came out at 19. Clueless. There aren’t many options in a small town. 

He wasn’t my type. But he was there.  A few more random encounters. 

But that SPARK? Nowhere. 

Summer time in SLO. Gay Pride. July 14. 2001. Finally, I would find my type. 

Blonde boys made me weak.  I would find the hottest there. 
He would take me home.  

I saw him right away. He was gorgeous. It took most the night to approach him. 

I had no game. I eyed him across the dance floor. 

We passed each other in the hall. He smiled. I smiled back.  

My heart pounding. My palms sweating. People were starting to leave. 

I was going to miss my chance. I couldn’t miss my chance. 

Courage. I walked across the dance floor. He was sitting against the wall. 

I asked him to dance. He looked at his girlfriend, then at me. 

A gay version of every high school movie I’d ever seen. 

We only got halfway through “Oops, I did it again.” 

20 minutes later we were climbing out of my backseat.

He invited me back to his place. 

Mission complete. 

Josh lived in a trailer. On a hill. In a junk yard. I found it terribly sexy. 

His best friend’s pit bull had a spiked collar. It popped his air mattress.

We stayed in the living room. 

The next morning he made coffee. 

We sat on the porch overlooking piles of car parts and furniture. 

A cow grazed on a patch of yellow grass. 

It wasn’t really a junk yard. Just a rundown property in A-town.  

He drove me back. We kissed a long kiss. We hugged even longer. 

That SPARK.  It electrified me. I was alive. I didn’t want it to end. 

A one-night stand no more. I fell hard. I wanted a relationship. 

He said no. I was too young. I just came out of the closet. 

I wasn’t ready. He said no. 

Persistence pays off.  

He folded. 

Just one stipulation. 

No games. 

Simple enough. 

We had a deal.  

My understanding of relationships was limited. 

Monogamy. 

Cheating leads to break ups.  

We were six months in. 

I proved him right. 

I had a wandering eye after all. 

He was out of town. 

The guilt consumed me. 

I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t lose him. I loved him. 

I heard of people slipping. They just swept it under the rug. 

Two weeks of hell. I went over the conversation in my head. 

No matter how I broke the news it always ended the same. 

Him walking out the door. Me never seeing him again. 

The day finally came. 

I couldn’t even finish before the tears were flowing down my face. 

My head hung low. I couldn’t look him in the eye. 

I couldn’t watch him leave. 

Maybe it’s the Catholic in me.

I never feel more clean than after confession. 

Now it was time for penance. 

He didn’t walk out. He just sat next to me. 

The silence was palpable. 

Finally. He spoke. ’He knew something was wrong. 
Ever since he got back he could feel it.  

He knew I would do it, which is why he said “no” in the first place. 

But he wasn’t going to leave me. 

He wasn’t going to leave me. 

It wasn’t the act that hurt him. It was the lie. 

But he loved me. And I loved him. 

He presented an idea. 
If I loved him and he loved me then breaking up was preposterous. 

Still, we had a dilemma. I wasn’t ready for monogamy. 

Truth be told, neither was he. 

What if we maintained an open relationship? 

This was my penance?

If I agreed, could I do it? 

What about jealousy? 

It was this or nothing. 

The beginning was awkward.

There were no role models. We made our own rules. 

When we finally stopped trying to “make it happen”, it happened naturally. 

It was electrifying. Jealousy never came. Instead, elation. Ecstatic relief.  

We were sharing an experience like nothing I ever thought possible. 

There was passion. There was laughter. 

The next day we were like school girls. We talked about all of the feelings. 

Communication secured us. 

Mike and Josh 2.0 were born. 

3 years later we married. Settled into our little hobbit house. 
Cats. A dog. A white picket fence. 

4 years later. A new circle of friends. Subculture. Festivals. Performance art. Radical self-expression. 

A few had open relationships, too. Finally, we weren’t alone. 

This was when we learned about Polyamory. 

Nurturing a relationship with more than one person. Revolutionary. 

Our marriage was progressive, yet our rules were not so evolved. 

We were free to play, but romance was not encouraged. 

That’s when it happened. 

A year prior I was pursuing a boy. Myspace. 

He came over. We smoked bowls, talked about tattoos. Then he left. 

My 25th birthday party. He returned. 

My husband asked him to stay. A final present. 

The gift that kept on giving. Just when we thought we had it all figured out. 

The Universe threw us a curve ball. 

This mysterious, beautiful boy with deep brown eyes. 
He was more than just a trick. 

We never felt like this before. He stayed at our house multiple nights a week. 

We cuddled. We ordered delivery. We watched bad TV.  

Uncharted territory. It was time to have the talk. 

St. Patrick’s Day. 2008. A house party. 

Tony was outside. 

Josh and I had the strangest exchange. 

“We should talk about what’s happening right?”

“I suppose.”

“Something is happening right?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Well, should we do this? Can we do this?”

“I think we can.”

“Are we doing this?”

“Yeah. Let’s do this.”

We hugged and kissed. We found Tony. 

Holding each other’s hands we asked him.

He said YES. 

It was a like a second honey moon. 

He moved in. 

It was time to tell our friends. Our family. But how? 

Coming out as poly is like coming out of a second closet. 

Even the most progressive people have a hard time wrapping their heads around it. 

Many people just didn’t understand. 

Others took it upon themselves to volunteer their insight

‘Maybe Josh and I weren’t meant to be together. Our openness was a crutch. 

If we were truly happy, we wouldn’t need to be with anyone else.’ 

Others accused us of taking advantage of the standard. 

Breaking the relationship rules.  

After a while, you can’t help but second guess yourself. 

What if they’re right? What if we weren’t as strong as we claimed to be?

Was this a crutch? Would this last? Was it doomed?

Love. We all know it. We all seek it. We all need it. 

From the moment we’re born we’re taught the rules of life. 

What is expected of us. What’s right. What’s wrong. 

Adolescence. We start to see inconsistency. The gaps in logic. 

We have questions. We decide to seek our own path. Find the Truth. 

We visualize our future self . We form relationships that perpetuate that ideal. 

We project our fantasy on everyone and everything around us. 

Everything we do serves that future vision of ourselves. 

Thats’s when it happens. We fall in lust. We fall in love. 

Our bodies are hijacked by emotion. 

A war between the head and heart. 

The barrage of questions:

Is this real?

Is this what I want?

What about my plan?

Will this person keep me from fulfilling my dreams?

Will I keep them from theirs?

What will others say? 

What will they think?

On and on. We never really know.  There are no rules. 

The Head is never certain. Nor is the Heart. 

It’s a dance. Does your partner know the same moves? 
If they don’t can they learn the steps? 

Love is patience. Love is humility. Love is understanding. Learning. 

We can’t get everything from one person. No one is perfect. 

The beauty lies in how two imperfect souls fit together in that perfect way. 

Sometimes, we possess the ability to love more than one. 

14 years and counting. 

Our Triad. Stronger than ever. 

No more doubt. 

Just Love. Endless Love. 

It’s not always easy. 

But it’s real. 

Realer than anything I’ve ever known. 

Human connection is never replicated. 

It’s a Cosmic Mosaic of beautiful, jagged, glass. 

Each piece tells a story. Each shard, stained and fractured. 

They find a way to mend with the support of others. 

Sometimes we recognize the first piece. 

Sometimes we recognize the last. 

Sometimes we recognize every piece in between. 

Regardless. We are all connected. For better or for worse. 

We all make up the larger picture. That cosmic work of art. 

It’s not about polyamory. 

It's about Love. 

With no bounds. No laws. 

Live your life. Live your dream. 

Be with the one, or ones, that allow you to grow. 

Do not hinder each other. 

Do not hinder yourself. 

Do not hinder Love. 

After all, Love is unto itself, a Higher Law.